It’s wonderful when you suddenly find a man, develop romantic feelings, and end up loving him. But that bliss turns into a pain when you come to your senses and face the reality that this man is already taken.
You probably didn’t plan to fall in love, but it just happened. Confusion and anxiety overwhelm you. You don’t know what to do!
Processing these emotions is hard. That’s why we’ve crafted this guide with helpful tips where you can learn what you should do, and most importantly, what you should avoid at all cost!
Accidentally fell in love with a married man
It’s normal if you end up developing emotional feelings towards a married man. It happens more often than you think. What it’s important is how you’re able to manage your feelings.
This is key! That is, emotions run deep and are difficult to manage. It’s easy to say that you don’t have to get carried along by your emotions, but the reality is that we’re emotional beings.
We face diverse situations that provoke emotional reactions which are very hard to handle. We learn to move on, but they leave a mark. And romantic feelings are not the exception.
Avoid these mistakes
If you fall in love with a married man, make sure not to make the following mistakes:
1. Ignore the reality
Many women delude themselves into thinking that they can date a married man, build a solid relationship, and bring it to safe harbor. In these situations, it is usual to ignore or repress the reality that the other person is married.
But the more you deny it, the harder the blow will be when reality hits you in the face. And one of the hardest things in life is realizing late that such reality was always there.
When you fall in love with a married man, your emotions make you make poor decisions. You could believe everything he says. There could be some things that might be true, but when you say things like he misses you or he loves you, do not take it seriously.
So, one common mistake is making sacrifices in vain, that in the end will not be worth it. The result of these sacrifices will cause emotional and economic problems that in the long run can leave a wound that is difficult to heal.
3. Idealize him
As it often happens when you fall in love, you tend to think that this is the perfect man, without flaws or mistakes. And since he is married, this perception is increased because your brain tricks you into thinking that he has settled down.
But this man has flaws, which his wife knows about, and you will know yourself if you establish an extramarital relationship with him.
4. High expectations
You can easily fool yourself into thinking that this married man will have you as his priority if you both start an affair.
His wife and children are! Remember that! Even if that affair becomes somehow serious, his family will always come first.
As you probably heard, apart from very few cases, there’s little chance that this man will meet the expectations that your mind has created. Eventually, you will realize how hurt it is to love him
5. Get into a relationship
This is the line that you cannot cross! We know that this is easier said than done. You probably feel captivated by his charm and think that he can be your soulmate. But keep in mind that there might be suffering at the end of the road. Most married men don’t leave their wives because what they often want is a brief affair.
If you get involved with a married man, you should know what you are exposing yourself to. The pain that he may cause you in the end will not only be his responsibility but also yours.
What to do if you accidentally fall in love with a married man
The heart doesn’t look at the marital status when it comes to feeling. So, here are some recommendations you should take into account:
- Don’t compete with his family: his priority is his family. It will always be no matter if he says he loves you too.
- Watch out for lies: don’t take to heart anything he tells you. Keep in mind that he can lie to you anytime.
- Don’t do anything that he won’t do: remember not to take action on things he won’t do himself.
- Be independent: don’t attach yourself to his desires.
- Go out with other people: He’s married. You’re not.
- Be careful: even if he divorces his wife, don’t expect he will go directly to your arms.
- Be honest with yourself: Know that having an affair is risky. You can end up being hurt, humiliated, and used.
The last point is devastating for many women. Some of them are left behind, betrayed, and used by empty promises. In the video below, you can learn about clear signs that you have to be aware of to avoid being used.
6 reality checks when you’re in love with a married man
If you’re already in a relationship with a married man or plan to, there are certain things you always have to keep in mind.
Study the situation objectively. Think about the consequences and harm that an affair can cause to all the people involved. That includes his spouse and children.
Whatever you do, you must respect the sanctity of marriage. For no reason at all, you should not interfere or create chaos within his married life.
3. Think about your values
Ask yourself if a relationship with a married man suits your values. See if the relationship goes against everything you have been taught.
4. Visualize the future
See yourself in the future and observe all the variables. The most important is your happiness. Will the affair turn into something serious? Will you feel fulfilled? Will you have regrets after ending a marriage? These are essential questions you have to ask yourself.
5. The emotional toll
This is one of the hardest things to manage. An affair implies secrecy, guilt, and uncertainty for a long period. And it’s not inevitable that your emotional health will be affected.
6. Put yourself in the spouse’s shoes
Don’t be selfish. Your happiness matters, and so does your spouse’s. Do an empathy exercise and think for a moment how you would feel if you were the wife. Think about the pain and suffering she will endure.
The truth of infidelity
Infidelity causes emotional distress to all the people involved. Before starting the affair, people get carried away by the adventure and excitement of an eventual fruitful outcome. But the truth is that everyone ends up being harmed.
Even if you, as the adulterer, form a serious relationship, you will leave behind a trail of anger, sadness, feelings of betrayal, and a loss of trust. That will hunt you forever!
In your last days on earth, you will possibly reflect on it. You can’t help but have regrets. Even if you were happy with that man or woman, you would question your actions. Thoughts will flood your head making you think about things you could have done differently.
That’s the hard truth of infidelity: the devastating consequences that not even time can heal. You might just learn to live with it. But your actions will leave a mark that will not be erased.
Tips from experts
Harboring romantic feelings toward a married man is hard to handle. You know it’s prohibited. But the heart doesn’t pay attention to the mind.
So, here are some general tips that can help you manage this situation:
- Recognize and admit your feelings: it’s important that you acknowledge your feelings and don’t feel guilty. Give yourself some time and space to process and understand your emotions.
- Evaluate the situation: Don’t have dreams and have high expectations. Always keep in mind that this man is married and committed to someone else.
- Prioritize your emotional well-being: Whether you start an affair with this married man or not, have your interests at heart, and make choices based on it. (Your decision should not interfere with his married life.)
- Set boundaries: to avoid more emotional distress, you have to establish clear boundaries where you can regulate contact and situations that can maximize your feelings.
- Support: Talk to somebody. That could be a close friend or a therapist. Getting it out of your chest can help you process your emotions better.
- Take care of yourself: start focusing your energy on activities that you love. That will keep you busy and help your mental health.
- Be open to other opportunities: Don’t close doors to meeting other people. There can be other potential romantic relationships that you can pursue which could be healthier and more fulfilling.
It’s also important to know what some psychologists and therapists have to say about getting involved with a married man:
“An affair derives romance and passion from ‘what-could-be’ but that’s generally not sustainable.”
Ms. Clark points out that women in love with a man committed to another woman should not ignore this reality. They must face it in order to move forward and to become available for true love.
“Affairs are built on fantasy, not real life.”
Dr. Smith explains that when you love a married man, you’re only seeing a part of them. Mostly, the better side, which can confuse you. But you should ask yourself what’s this man’s life look like when he goes home to his wife and kids.
“To avoid messy emotional entanglements later on and gain some closure, end the relationship in person.”
Dr. Fleming stresses about discarding the idea of ending the affair through text or other means. It has to be in person for properly closure.
What data says
Sometimes you need to see the stats to have a clear idea of the real chances for success with a married man. And if you have high hopes, we’re sorry to disappoint you.
Most surveys almost always show similar data. And they show that just a small fraction of success comes from an affair. The rate of men leaving their wives to formalize a serious relationship and eventually marry their lovers is only 3%-5%.
That’s a terrible number!
As implied through the article, your chances are grim. There are exceptions, of course, but it’s not the norm. Many variables have to occur for a healthy relationship to be born.
Is it wrong to fall in love with someone else when you are married?
You can’t blame yourself for developing romantic feelings for someone else. If you fee attracted to another man, maybe something is missing in your life. You have to assess your married life and see what you’re missing.
Is it possible for a married man to fall in love with you?
Yes, absolutely. The same happens when you love a married man. You cannot control what your heart feels. It dictates what your mind doesn’t expect. The complex is to learn how to manage your emotions which, is essential to avoid getting harmed.
Can I find fulfillment and happiness in other areas of my life besides romantic relationships?
Yes, you can. Though having a romantic relationship is a satisfactory experience, there’s more in life that can be fulfilling. Helping people in need, improving daily, and acquiring new skills are some of the areas you can explore.
Can I set clear boundaries for myself to protect my emotional well-being?
Sure, that’s what you should do. Though you can’t close opportunities that might bring love and joy to your life, there are situations where you must set boundaries to avoid getting harmed.
What is the biggest predictor of extramarital affairs?
Among the common ones are: dissatisfaction (emotional and intimacy), lack of commitment, immaturity, opportunity and accessibility, and so on.
Don’t fret too much if you’re feeling deeply attracted to a married man. The important as stated is to know how to manage your feelings and don’t get carried away.
Remember to avoid what we have pointed out:
- Ignore the reality.
- Make empty sacrifices.
- Idealize this man as someone without flaws.
- Harbor high expectations.
- Start an affair that will not have a happy ending.
If you feel overwhelmed by your feelings, seek professional help. In case you can’t, talk to a close friend. It will do you some good to talk it out. Loving someone who is committed to another person can be hurtful, but you can overcome it if you focus and process your feelings. In time, you will see other opportunities opening for you!