“I am in love with a married man so what should I do,” This statement may sound familiar to you or probably have personally suffered it, and that’s why you’re here, because you want to take that dreary step of telling a married man you love him.
I know that you may feel frightened, even more if he and you are friends.
So, let’s first get some facts straight before helping you deal with this situation. Read on and learn what is the best way to proceed.
Should you tell a married man you love him?
That depends on different variables. If you both are close friends, there’s going to be a point where you would not resist anyone. So, for your own sake, you should tell him about your feelings.
And if you wonder why, just take a moment, think about him for a second and tell me: are you going to be able to hide your feelings?
Probably the answer is no. And that’s because emotions run deep, and they normally sweep people away.
Love feeling is too powerful to repress. You have to get it out of your chest in one way or another. If he’s your friend, in some way you probably feel somehow comfortable to tell him though you may harbor the fear of ruining the friendship.
What if I just know him very well?
In that case, you must refrain to open your heart not only because you don’t really know him, but also because what you could be feeling is just infatuation.
But if not admiration or sheer obsession, you’re falling in love with this man, you should wait until you get to know him well. Give it some time. That will also test the veracity of your feelings.
Usually women meet married men and by just a first impression they get so grasped that they start developing love feelings. But after a while, those feelings drift away when get to know the man better and other prospects come around.
How to tell a married man you love him
If you already made your mind and are decided to confess your feelings, this is how you should proceed:
Meet him in a quiet place
Since you’re going to expose your inner feelings, a nice and silent place comes in handy. It will lower down the common anxiety amassed in this type of situations.
Also, nobody will come to interrupt you which can contribute to add exasperation and fear.
Start the conversation by highlighting the friendship
Tell him that you value his friendship, that you like spending time with him. Also, talks about things you both enjoy doing together. That way will maintain tension down by keeping always a friendly approach.
If there is any tension, break the ice with a joke. Remember that you both are friends and used to joke around.
Tell him what qualities you admire in him
There is no better way to confess your love without feeling so nervous than praising his qualities. He would get an idea of what you’re implying. So, that can put him in a relaxed mode to react, which is something good because you don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.
When both are relaxed, words comes out smoothly. And that’s the important, that you can communicate your feelings in the best possible way and he can reply without feeling overwhelmed.
Let him know you will be there for him
Remind him that above all things if he needs a someone to support, you will be there. Tell him that you care for his wellbeing and just want the best for him.
Tell him you want him to be happy
This demonstrates that despite your love for him, you are a mature person. You don’t get carried by emotions and you accept how things have unfolded.
On the other hand, he would know that your feelings are not based on whims or obsession. And that you know that loving someone is also wishing other other person to be happy.
Declare that your friendship is the most important
The sad part is that friendship can be compromised. No matter if you have to keep your distance in order to calm down your emotions, you have to make the effort that things between you and him always remains in good terms.
If this is an honorable man, he will perfectly understand your feelings. And he will respect them. He will act responsibly and trust you more. Your friendship could even fortify!
What to do if you are in love with a married man
So, what to do if the man you love is married? Whether you confess your feelings or not, there is still work to do. Pain is mostly present in this kind of entanglement. And you have to address it. Therefore, here are some tips to deal with the suffering associated by loving a married man.
- Take a big breath and carefully analyze how well you feel. Ask yourself where you are going and how you see yourself in a few years. Is this what you wanted for yourself? Is this suffering worth it?
- If the pain is too hard, start cutting communication with him – not abruptly but avoid frequent talks. Also, to go to places where he usually is.
- You don’t have to go through this alone. If you have a confident, or someone who you really trust, talk to him or her. That person can be of great help and support.
- Focus on something else. Life has a lot to offer. You just have to be open to it.
- Expand your social circle. Go out and interact with other people. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
I want also to share with you the input of Alex Cormont who gives valuable insights about dealing with this tough situation:
Loving a married man: Hard facts
It is also important to take into consideration the bad side of loving a married man. Here are some facts that you must not overlook:
- You will always be in the background. You may be a shadow in his social life and a practically a ghost on special dates.
- Hardly a relative or close friend will support your decision. Consequently, you will bring tears to your pillows, anger with get stuck in your throat, and feel a lot of loneliness and deep isolation.
- You will lose precious time meeting him, falling in love with a married man, listening to his promises and eventually trying to forget him.
- In the remote case that he stays with you, you’re relationship will not be blessed by God. And the reason is that you will always be the cause of the breakup of a home. Moreover, if he becomes unfaithful to you, you would understand his mistress, because once you were in her place.
- If the truth comes out, you may lose the trust of important family and friends. In addition, your reputation may be irreparably tarnished.
Since it’s hard to deal with this situation, here are some extra information that can help you!
Is it okay to tell him that I love him?
Truth is always good when it is told. If you feelings are genuine and you REALLY want to express your feeling to get it out of your chest, you can proceed. No matter if you have to walk away, you could feel liberated.
What if I get so nervous that I cannot express my feelings?
Take your time and think it over. You don’t have to rush things. If you don’t get to a point where you are really uncomfortable by the thought of confessing your love, don’t do it. Just talk to a close friend and tell him about your feelings. A good friend can be good support to get things out.
What if he gets so nervous when I confess my love?
Tell him that you don’t expect nothing. Reassure him that you understand that he’s married and what matters to you the most is his friendship.
Telling a married you love him doesn’t mean that you will have plans in future to be with him. If your love for this man is pure, you want him to be happy no matter who he is with.
So, declaring your true feelings doesn’t have to be so dramatic though it can hurt. But love is not relegated to just form a romantic pact with someone. Love relationships is not strictly about romance since love is universal, and it manifests in people when they want the best for others.
Remember to follow our steps:
- Meet him in a quiet location.
- Focus the conversation in your friendship.
- Talk about his qualities.
- Tell him you will always be there when he needs you.
- Let him know that you want him to be happy.
- Never leave out the most important you both have is your friendship.
With these steps you will be able to get it out of your chest. It’s going to be difficult, but eventually you will feel good about declaring your feelings.