Being cheated is one of the most hurtful feeling. The person you love and trust suddenly is not the person you thought he was. You feel terrible as if the whole world collapses on you.
It’s the end of the world!
However, you can’t let it destroy you. You must regain strength and go on. But what can you do to ease the pain and face this hurting situation?
In this article, we’re not only going to tell you what to do, but also we’re going to show you how to deal with text cheating. And more, you will learn how to identify the clear signs that confirm he’s cheating on you.
What to do if my boyfriend cheated on me through texting?
If you caught him, you must confront him. Though this is a very emotional moment, do your best to not let your emotions control you. If you do, things can easily escalate. So take a moment to breath and calm your impulses. Remember that in these situation what matter the most is you mental health.
Once the rage has gone down, you need to speak with him. The good part is that probably he hasn’t been physically with the other woman. Of course, possibly for you this is not a great consolation. I understand that you still feel hurt.
And you’re right! Because the thought of being with another woman lingers in his head and probably is willing to commit adultery when he sees the opportunity.
So, prepare yourself before talking to him:
- Don’t rush things. Give yourself some time cool your head off.
- In that distress state, don’t drive or do anything that requires your full attention.
- If you’re with your children, Don’t let them see you in that emotional state. Call someone to watch over them.
- Call him and say that you need to speak with him. Don’t give him details.
- Choose a private place to have a conversation with him.
- If you decide to go to somewhere else, have someone you trust to drive you there. And tell that person to wait for you.
- Before you see him, hold your horses. If you have the need to cry, do it before meeting him.
These tips will help you manage better the situation because it’s critical that you’re not in a state of mind and emotional when you’re having the conversation.
How to confront a cheating over text
As stated, both of you have to talk. You cannot either omit this or prolong it because when you find out about cheating, you will react to it dramatically. Below Professor Jordan Peterson explains in simple terms that your feelings and preposition blind you. But when you’re cheated on, you really see the real person. But you CAN’T see it during the relationship.
In the video above, he points out something very important. When you find the betrayal, your body reacts to it, altering your body’s normal functions. You experience anxiety, sweating, high blood pressure. And that’s because your body see what your can’t see.
This is a great analysis by Peterson, and correlates with what we have stated about trying to calming down before confronting him. It’s hard, but you have to try it.
Now, let’s see some tips to better manage this situation:
Identify if adultery was committed
It is essential to be sure if the other person is really being unfaithful. The traits that can give indications of a possible infidelity are:
- If he has distanced himself from you.
- If he spends a lot of time on the phone or computer and looks for discreet places to check it.
- If he puts the cellphone on silent or airplane mode when he is in our presence.
- If he gets nervous when receiving calls or messages.
- If he locks himself in the bathroom or go out every time he wants to talk or text.
- If there are noticeable changes in his behavior and way of dressing.
Assess the type of cheating
You need to evaluate the type of infidelity and the level of involvement. Ask yourself these questions:
- What happened?
- How did it happen?
- At what level?
- What kind of virtual infidelity?
- Who is the other person – an acquaintance or a stranger?
Check out your feelings
As said, you need to see check how you feel. Take a moment to see how this situation is affecting you. To help you process it, here are some questions that you have to answer before talking to him:
- Why do I think it happened?
- How does this situation affect me personally?
- How am I interpreting it?
- What bothers me the most and what doesn’t?
- What makes the situation seem like infidelity to me?
- What is, truly, an infidelity for me?
Have a conversation
If you are really sure of what happened, and of what you feel, confront him and see what response you get from him. It shows what the situation generates for you, what you feel, how it affects you and how you interpret the situation.
Then together, do a damage assessment. Assess what boundaries were crossed, communicate honestly what each of you feel, without invalidating the other (This is important).
Evaluate the couple codes that have been broken, what really happened and what is the damage that this situation causes you. Analyze the seriousness of the matter and decide what you want to do after what happened.
Decide the next steps
Evaluate if what happened virtually constitutes cheating and what you want to do afterwards. Undoubtedly, any type of infidelity is painful and difficult to cope with, but, although we may not see it so clearly at the moment, it is an important opportunity to rethink some thing.
If you both wants to move forward in the relationship, it is very imperative to be 100% honest and firm to expose what is behind of what happened: talking about the reasons why this type of cheating took place can shed light of the latent needs. (You can find in this article the reasons that leads married man texts another woman)
Something good might come out from this situation (if you both decide to stick together). It can be as a fertilizer that makes the relationship stronger than before.
When you speak with him, do your best to be honest with him, and ask him to return the favor. Both need to talk about those things that have been silenced until now.
Those things that are difficult for you to talk about and that is why you have avoided them. But in the long run, you end up realizing that you have distanced yourselves as a couple, which is something very important if you want to face and overcome virtual infidelity.
Express the necessities
Get out of your chest the emotional and sexual needs in a clear, honest and concrete way. Expressing clearly about what you want, need, like and lack in the relationship is key to not feeling dissatisfied within your relationship.
That way none of you will have the need to look elsewhere what you lack in the relationship.
Also, when you communicate clearly, the relationship become more solid because you work more as a team.
Work on the relationship
It is necessary to constantly work on the relationship every day. If you feel that it’s getting stuck, rekindle the feeling of being good friends and lovers. Do the things you both did back when you were dating.
Increasing intimacy, games, flirtation, seduction, starting to have new activities together and plans or projects in common, can help the relationship grow again and become more alive.
Reinforce the positive aspects
If he he doesn’t propose it, take the initiative and ask him to express what he feels and what he likes about you. And then you do the same to him.
Sometimes, in relationships that have been going on for a long time, the couple stop saying what they feel and stop expressing what they like about the other.
That sometimes doesn’t make the other person feel valued. So, it’s essential to say and highlight the good things found in your partner. You both reinforce what you like about each other, and what makes you fall in love.
Signs he’s cheating on you through texting
Before listing 7 clear signs that will tell you if your spouse is cheating through texting, I must let you know about a fact you always have to consider: It’s very disrespectful to check on your spouse’s cellphone. Most importantly, it breaks the trust that should exist between spouses.
If you don’t have a justified reason, don’t do it. Also, keep in mind that if he wants to keep his privacy concerning the content of his cellphone, it doesn’t mean he’s outright cheating on you.
Discomfort if the partner read his conversations
Apart from the fact that the respect include privacy, if he shows too much rage for reading his messages, there’s probably certain information that he doesn’t want you to see.
If that rage is mixed with visible nervousness, he’s surely hiding something that could easily put him in a bad situation.
He gets annoyed when you try to answer his cellphone
A typical sign a married man gives out occurs when, by chance, you try to check out when a message just in. You could do it just out of random courtesy. But such act makes him so furious.
He either hide or delete conversations after he finishes chatting. The move is to avoid that you could read them when he’s not having his cellphone at hand.
He has emotional intimacy with other people on social media
After checking his message through his social profiles, you see he’s sharing private aspects of his life with someone else (especially a woman). These details are strictly between spouses.
He gets irritated if the partner questions him about his friends on social media
If you ask him questions about who he’s chatting through Facebook, Instagram or another social network, he get easily upset. And that can escalate to unfounded rage if you just insist a little bit.
He prefers if the partner does not have access to his cellphone
When you notice that he does everything to keep you away from his cellphone, he’s just showing utter fear that you could see the content of his mobile.
He may have his cellphone at hand at all times and constantly change the password to make sure you don’t have access in case he gets careless.
He constantly check his WhatsApp chat notifications
He can jump out of the couch to grab his mobile whenever a notification arrives. He’s very keen to see who’s writing to him. After checking, he goes to another room to reply because he feels more comfortable to be alone.
This situation is so hard to manage and create a lot of doubts that you probably have some related questions. Here are some of the most common ones:
Should I forgive him if he texts another woman?
That’s up to you, to how tolerant you are. But if you still feel terrible, because betrayal reveals the real person, it’s better for mental health to break up. Of course, don’t rush things. Find out why he decides to text another woman.
Is he a serial cheater who doesn’t respect you, or he texts another woman because she is providing what’s lacking in your relationship? These are important queries that you have to find out before making a decision.
Should I spy his conversations to make sure he’s not cheating?
First of all, that’s invasion of privacy. Also, you are supposed to trust him. Trust is fundamental in all relationships. Of course, if you see that something is not right, that he’s acting strange like going to another room to reply a text message, you should do something about it.
But be really sure that he’s hiding something. Don’t do any wrong move that could damage trust and break up your relationship.
Should I trust him if he texts another woman?
That depends on the context of the texts. If he works with female partners, and he has given you no reason to doubt, you should trust him. Not all men text other women with the sole intention to hitting on them.
Imagine female friend who cannot text a married man because his wife will get furious. This is not a healthy relationship and won’t last long.
What does cheating say about a person?
It says that he or she is an unreliable person. The person commit to be faithful, and even make promises. But all are lies when the real him/her is revealed.
Where should I look on my partners phone?
If you’re sure he’s cheating on you, check his whatsApp, specially in the recent updates in the status tab. Many people updates his status daily, see if he’s seen some status from female contacts.
Also, if he is cautious and smart, he will delete the chats. So, also check his contacts. See if there contacts you don’t recognize
Be careful how you deal with this type of situation. Sometimes, people misunderstand some texts and get their emotions control them. Of course, if the texts are very reveling, you need to take action.
But remember, the first thing you need to confirm if he’s had physical interaction with the other woman. Review the recommendations:
- Cool your head off: You wouldn’t want to escale things to worse the situations.
- Don’t do things that can cause accidents: stay away from driving and some sort activities that requires your full focus.
- Have someone else to watch over your children: Don’t let them see you in a distress state of mind.
- Set up a meeting with him: Tell him you need to talk to him.
- Do it in a private place: Choose a venue where you both feel confortable.
- Confront him: Bring a close friend if you need it.
- Make sure you’re calm down: Try to release stress and anxiety as much as you can before seeing him.
Naturally, this is also topic that people interpret it in different ways. We stated that the level of involvement matters, and it’s up to your tolerance and beliefs how you would assess the situation and react to it.