You like a woman and want to date her. But she has a kid. This is a common situation that repeats over and over. The thing is what to do about it.
Should you proceed? or should you skip it?
The answer is simple but some aspects might incline to whatever decision you make to one side or the other.
Let’s get right into it!
Should I date a single mom?
Ideally, you should date a woman with no ties or strings especially if you’re a young man. There’s nothing about the kids, but you have to be careful. You need to know what you might get yourself into.
How is that?
Find out the reason why she’s a single mom. Does the father abandon her or pass away? Did she leave him? Why? All these questions have to be answered before venturing into dating with a single mom.
Now, before delving into some of the cons and pros, let’s see what you should know if you’re really considering dating a single mom.
10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Single Mom
Dating a single mom can get somehow complicated down the road. So, I bring these 10 things that you need to know before venturing with a single mom.
1. You’re not her priority
She is a mother. So she has responsibilities that cannot be overlooked. When a woman becomes a mother, the baby is the priority.
You both can feel romance towards each other if something sort of serious comes out of dating. But you cannot expect that she has you in her mind all the time.
2. She will not be available every night
As stated above, she’s a mother, and she cannot escape all night to go out and have fun with you. Even if she’s got a babysitter, her schedule will almost always be tight because of her kid.
3. She has a past
A woman with a kid means a history that probably had a lot of problems that you have no idea of. That’s why I said you have to know in advance why she’s a single mother.
4. There’s possibly a father in the equation
His ex may be still part of her life, not romantically but his presence may be strong. So, you have to keep in mind that he’ll possibly not like that another rooster is in the hen house.
5. A kid is a huge responsibility
Are you sure you want to have a relationship with a woman with kids? You cannot take it lightly. There are serious responsibilities involved that you may assume.
Though you’re not the father, she will expect you to take on some of the tasks of the father.
Why?
Because if the relationship gets closer as time passes, you will be becoming more part of her life and everything that’s in it. And that includes her kid.
6. You need to have financial stability
Some single moms don’t want a casual boyfriend, they want a husband who can provide financially. It doesn’t mean that they only go for the money, they also want to form a family.
But they need someone financially stable to lean over. Actually, most single moms are poor. A survey made in 2020 detailed that single moms are nearly 5 times poorer than two-parent families.
So, what happens if she has more than one child? You at least need to have a stable job to be able to support a family of three or even more.
7. She probably looks for a serious relationship
Most single mothers are not looking for a man to make out on the first date. Since a single mother is alone, her deep hunger cannot be overlooked. And that is to settle down with a man to help her raise her kid.
So before dating her, you need to observe very carefully what she looks for in a man.
Of course, there are single moms who just want to date a man only for fun, no strings attached, in order to distract herself and get out of the parent routine. That could be your ideal candidate!
8. You should be open to having children’s company
When you start dating a single mom, there will come a time when her kid will join in, probably more often than you expect. So, you must like children and spend time with them.
9. You must have an inclination towards child-rearing
Are you ready to do some parent tasks? You won’t become the kid’s dad, but you will have to do things related to child-rearing. And no young men are not ready, and willing to oblige when the time comes.
10. Her family will examine you thoroughly
When you date a single girl, and meet her family, they won’t go hard on you, examining too carefully who you are. Of course, there are some exceptions, but generally, it’s not the case because they might see you just as the boyfriend she currently has.
But a single mom changes everything inside the nucleus of her relatives. They will tell her and even push her to date someone they consider more worthy of a serious relationship.
So if she brings you to meet her family, they will put you under deep examination the moment she introduces you as her boyfriend.
What do guys think about dating a single mom?
Normally, men have some precautions when dating a single mom. And when they do it, they try to make it clear from the beginning is just for fun. In fact, most men date single moms without a serious relationship in mind.
Very few men actually do it with serious intentions. Those who do are older men with established jobs, who have had a vast experience with other women.
This topic brings a lot of discussion among men. It’s common to see lengthy threads in social media where men leave their input and personal experiences.
Why you should not date a single mom
As a young man, you should not date a single mom because there are children involved that are a huge responsibility. And you cannot take that on your shoulders.
You mustn’t! Being a father is wonderful. But when you’re young, you’re still discovering the world. You need to live experiences before committing yourself to a relationship with a woman that already had a man in her life, who left her with a child.
It doesn’t mean that you have to reject any woman with a kid. But essentially, you need to start out life fresh and new!
And whether you admit it or not, if you date a single mom, it will eventually be a burden for you. The same thing applies when a single woman dates a married man. These people already have commitments and probably many problems that will pass on to you.
Why you should never date a single mom
The fact that you’re dating a single mom is already complicated. If the kid has the father around, he’s a presence that you have to deal with. That’s always a problem.
I won’t lie to you. It’s rare to see a father getting along well with the new mother’s boyfriend.
Also, and this is very important when you start a relationship with a single mom, you inherit her problems. And there might be issues with the ex that are still unresolved.
Single parents should date each other
The rate of success regarding relationships in this matter is higher when single parents date each other. They already know what’s like to be a single parent. Their needs are matched. Practically nothing could come up as a surprise.
And they’re useful to each other. Though there is romance, they both work more as a team. There could be problems because both of them have a past, but they can find ways to sort them out.
Also, middle age single parents are more centered. They are not on it for the fun. But rather for the sake of creating a family structure for their respective children.
Why you should date a single mom
The benefit of dating a single mom is that she might somehow be more centered. Of course, that depends on her age. If she is still in her early twenties, she would possibly still think like a teenager.
But if she is a middle-aged woman who for some reason is single, she may have a more mature attitude. She wouldn’t care too much about college romance or a similar sort.
She would want something real, something that gives her structure. And if you’re also a middle-aged man looking for the same settle-down feeling, she may be a good match for you.
A note of warning: not all middle age single moms are good. Some of them could cause even more pain than younger single moms.
So, whatever her age could be, look for red flags. To help you recognize them, here are 5 types of single moms that you should definitely avoid at all cost:
How to date a single mom
You made your mind and go on a date with a single mom for whatever reasons you deem justified. Well, here are some useful tips to get a productive date.
Be flexible
Her schedule won’t be the same as yours. She’s a mother and she can’t change it to meet your needs. Even if she plans really well for the date, when something happens related to her kid that requires her immediate attention, she will leave everything behind. And that includes you.
Take the initiative
Single moms already have huge responsibilities with their children. They make a lot of decisions. So it would be something fresh for them to see men propose things.
Even if they’re moms, they still like to be charmed and surprised.
Declare your true intentions
Don’t waste your and her time and express your intentions. Not all single moms look the same. So, establish what you want from the beginning so that everything is put on the table.
Tell her what you think of her having a kid
Most single moms fear that the man get scared of her being mom. That’s her main fear. So, to break the ice, state what you think about her current situation.
If you decide to date her knowing she has a child, tell her that you’re okay with it. That will help the date go smoothly.
Don’t try to be a surrogate father
No matter your good intentions, don’t force yourself into the father’s shoes. Remember, you’re not the father! If the relationship turns serious, let time dictate how things evolve naturally.
Remember she’s an individual
Don’t focus the attention on her being a mother. Being a mother is a great part of her life, but there are other parts about her. And she’s dating you now. She wants to talk about her passions and beliefs.
During the date, treat her as a woman you’re interested in.
Don’t spend the night at her house
Have limits. It’s not good for a kid to watch his mom’s new boyfriend stay out for the night. Even little children are conscious that their parents are not together, seeing another man roaming 24 hours a house can easily trigger negative reactions towards you.
FAQs
Is it worth dating someone with a kid?
Not if you’re too young. This is a great responsibility that even some adults are not ready for. Besides, raising a child that is not yours implies that you have to deal with the presence of the kid’s real father and the possible rejection from the child.
Are single moms red flags?
In some cases they are. As stated at the beginning of the article, you need to find out why she’s a single mom before proceeding further with her.
What makes a single mom attractive?
Some men find attractive the possibility of forming a family. They fantasize about the idea. Nothing wrong with it. But instead of starting fresh, they choose a woman with a past that can be filled with different problems.
Why single moms are the best to date
For some people are! Depends on what you’re really looking for. Of course, it also depends on the personality of the woman and what are her desires.
Why is it important to have two parents?
Because it is the perfect structure the child needs to have a good environment to grow up. Children need the role models of each parent. If one’s missing, it’s like a table with three legs.
Conclusion
As implied throughout the whole article, I don’t recommend you date a single mom with serious intentions to establish a relationship. You can date her as casual. But you need to start out fresh especially if you’re young.
Older people are a different case. They have already lived experiences. Romance is not a priority. What they look for is company. Someone to talk and spend time with for the rest of their lives.
But if you decide to date a single mom at your own peril, review the 10 things you should know when dating a single mom I already detailed above.
Of course, don’t reject all single moms. Just find out more about the person you plan to take on a date!