There are times when two people meet, and they get along so well that as the interaction proceeds, feelings show up. The problem is what happens when these two people are already married.
This is a common problem that might cause you pain if it ever happens to you.
So, let’s first answer the question and then highlight the reasons why two married people end up falling in love with each other.
Can a married man and a married woman be in love?
Yes, love can arise from an extramarital affair. When a married person gets into an affair, he or she takes the risk of developing feelings without expecting it.
The interaction between them forms strong bonds. This is something that you can’t control. It just happens. And when you least expect it, you will realize that a simple extramarital affair has turned into something deeper that you really care about.
Why do they end up falling in love?
They share the same frustrations. What they can’t find at home, they will find somewhere else in someone else. It’s a reality.
From then on, we can’t know for sure what is going to happen. But we have a general idea. The spouse is looking for something missing. Mostly, it’s a sexual relationship.
But this can trigger feelings that can be accompanied by other elements that might also be missing from the marriage. Let’s see what they are:
Support
Yes, it’s elemental to receive support from the spouse. A married man needs his wife to lead the family while the wife needs support from the husband to manage the household.
If support is only one-sided, the stability of the marriage is doomed. Also, we can suffer from certain conditions, one of the most damaging is depression.
When this happens, it is essential to count on your spouse’s unconditional support.
Here are some ways on how to support a depressed spouse:
Care
Each person loves to be cared for. That is the expression of love. Words don’t matter if they’re not followed by actions. When you show your spouse that you care for his/her well-being, you’re boosting his confidence and self-esteem.
Understanding
We are making decisions every day, and we need the person by our side to understand that we do it for the sake of the family. Getting comprehension from the person we love is paramount.
What are the reasons that make them be together?
I will cite three of the major reasons why a spouse decides to start an extra-marital relationship.
Lack of attention
Normally, it’s the lack of attention he or she receives from the spouse. In the case of the wife, when she gets rejected, she can get depressed. She could arrive at the conclusion that her husband doesn’t find her attractive anymore.
So, she will end up yearning for another man to make her feel desirable again.
As for the married man, he also has needs. And when his wife cannot fulfill them, another woman will provide them.
What happens here is that both are suffering for the same thing: Lack of attention. In the beginning, they will try to make themselves noticed. For instance, the wife could wear some provocative lingerie and try to seduce him. But he ignores her, hurting her feelings.
Also, the married man can start getting in good shape by lifting weights, expecting that his wife find him masculine, but she doesn’t.
So, both are ignored by their respective spouses. And though they won’t immediately go find someone else, ultimately the frustration will be so unbearable that they will give in.
Cheating
Cheating is another common reason why a spouse decides to be with someone else. A married person gets extremely hurt when his wife or husband cheats.
And one of the reactions is vengeance. The one who gets hurt will do the same thing to get even.
Boredom
Some marriages suffer from boredom. The flame that is vivid at the beginning wanes as time goes by. You can’t help it. It just happens. Some people adapt to it. But there is a point when this situation becomes upsetting.
You find excuses for not going home and spending time outside with other people. If this happens to you I recommend reading this article that showcases some of the common signs spouses get bored.
As you can see, some of the reasons are logical. Similar reasons are behind what makes a married man cheat on his wife. The principle is the same: Some spouses fail to embrace their role.
How can you handle this situation?
Each person handles it differently. It depends on how this extramarital relationship is based on. In the beginning, as always, it is just based on pure sex. But of course, as the relationship proceeds, it can easily turn emotional, demanding more than just physical interaction.
Let’s see how each individual approaches this situation:
The wife’s approach
A wife whose lover fills the void, allows her to continue with her marriage. Even, some women can actually get along better with their husbands since they don’t harbor much resentment and anger.
This approach can be misunderstood by some people. They even give a woman who does this bad name. But this is certainly a ‘solution’ that helps her keep her family together.
When a wife knows that something is missing in her life, it will make her miserable and sad that she will fill in the part of her marriage that is absent with someone else.
It’s not something that she has planned. They wish their husbands could give them what they need. But the constant rejections and indifference show how little he cares for her satisfaction and feelings.
The husband’s approach
A man likes to be attended by his wife, not only on the bed but also in many aspects. When he sees that his wife fails to do it, his commitment to her will start to vanish.
When some other woman comes his way and provides what his wife doesn’t, he will be open to maintaining the relationship. He won’t leave his wife, that’s for sure. But he will keep seeing the other woman.
As contrary to women, men are more practical. They can accept to keep things strictly sexual. However, they’re not immune to falling in love.
If a married man starts getting the support he wants from the other woman, he surely can get emotionally involved. Support is key to getting a man by your side. If that is neglected, he will get it from somebody else.
So, considering that both are married, they don’t normally want to break up the family, especially when there are little children involved. They can love each other, but realize at the same that a least for the time being, their love is impossible.
What happens to their families?
Most people who get into extramarital affairs don’t want to hurt their families. So, they always keep it secret. They move very carefully to have their intimacies private.
But the most important thing is to never hurt your family. Whatever happens with your spouse, though it affects the people around, should not always remain a private matter between you and your spouse.
If you’re in this situation, remember this:
- Your children are your priorities.
- Don’t involve your family members.
- If a family member finds it out, talk to that person and assure him/her that whatever you do, nothing will harm the family.
- Don’t let your spouse’s family find it out.
- Don’t ever take your children to see your lover.
- Never neglect your family duties.
FAQs
Can a man love his wife and be in love with someone else?
Yes, the love you have for your wife is still there. And the feelings that are growing inside of you for this new person stem from what is lacking in your marriage.
How do you tell if a married man is emotionally attached to you?
There are many signs. One of the most common is that he starts asking for more. That is, he wants to spend more time with you than he dedicates to his own wife and children.
He also gets jealous if you see someone else. And eventually, he will demand to know where you are during the day.
How long do affairs usually last?
If it is difficult to answer this question. They regularly last until one, either the man or the woman decides to break it up. But there are a lot of variables. An affair can also be ended because the people involved were caught or they just find out that it won’t go anywhere.
Should I tell my spouse that I have needs?
Certainly. It’s a marital duty to fulfill your spouse’s needs. Of course, comprehension is required, but a spouse who fails to please his wife or husband is opening the door to another person to do it.
If I get ignored, does it mean that he or she doesn’t love me?
In most cases, that’s not the reason. Of course, you have to be observant. But when your spouse loses interest in you, you need to find out the reasons behind it. Maybe he or she is having problems at work or is going through a physical condition.
The important thing is to have a conversation. It’s your spouse. Remind him that she can trust you with anything.
Conclusion
It’s normal if you fall in love with another person whether he or she is also married. It happens and will continue happening. Both of you are missing the same thing. That’s why you find each other and decide to start a relationship.
If you want to avoid this, nurture your marriage. Don’t let it wither!
Remember the main causes that take a married person to look for someone else:
- Lack of interest (attention)
- Cheating
- Boredom
I understand that keeping a marriage alive especially after a long time is hard. As you grow old, things can get cold. But try to keep the flame shining. Do something new and fun with your spouse every day. Get him or her involved in activities you both enjoy.
Marriages don’t have to be dull and always follow the same routine. You’re sharing your life with someone you love. Share things and make the most of it!