Talking to an ex after months can be frustrating for many people. Unresolved past issues and resentment make it very hard to handle, specially if you have plans of getting back together in the future.
The idea of having a conversation, get your topics out and discuss them without the fear of being misunderstood is really stressing.
This is not a random problem you are facing right now. It has its root on communication skills. And it complicates more when emotions are involved.
But don’t panic! In this article we will guide you on how to stablish a good communication with your ex on solid grounds where you can manage well through the conversation while exposing your thoughts.
How to talk to an ex after months
Communications skills are very important in many aspects of life, and relationships are not an exception. When you know how to express your ideas by talking your issues out with your ex, there are great chances to get their attention and convey your message successfully as well.
That’s why we’ve laid out 7 steps to follow to ensure you have a productive conversation with your ex.
1. Don’t interrupt your ex
Talking to an ex after months can trigger emotions and can easily jeopardize the prospect of a productive conversation. So, to make the conversation starts with the right foot, it’s important that you let your ex speak without interrupting.
If you feel that you need to respond to some statement that your ex makes, wait your turn. Don’t let your emotions carry the conversation. It will take it nowhere, and most importantly both of you won’t get your points clear.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Many people can’t help falling into the bad habit of interrupting. Sometimes, it’s not their fault. Nobody has taught them how to communicate properly.
If you have that habit, please watch this useful video that teaches you how to stop interrupting in a conversation.
Letting your ex speak doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re actually listening. You need to consume and comprehend the words your ex is saying. To accomplish this, you have to clear your minds of any thought of what you’re going to say next.
This will also allow the conversation to flow and not divert to other sensible topics that can cause discomfort.
3. Always be honest and open
Though you have to be careful with your words, you also need to get it all out of your chest. Anything that are causing you pain or emotional distress need to be expressed.
This is important because trust must be renewed. If you lie to your ex, he/she will think that things have not changed at all, and having another try would be pointless.
4. Control your body language
Sometimes our nonverbal communication coveys more meaning than our words. That’s why there are some things you should avoid when we you talk to your ex:
- Don’t cross your arms: It gives the impression that you are closed to the conversation.
- Don’t take away your eyes from your ex: keep eye contact.
- Don’t invade their space.
- Don’t cross any boundaries.
5. Talk about the present
Let go of the past. That’s the rule!
Talking to an ex after months must be focused on the present. If you let the conversation shift back to past issues that caused a lot of suffering, it will end up in a terrible endless cycle that will get you nowhere, and it would erase any possibility to get your ex back.
You have to learn to leave the past where it belongs. Things that were hurtful are not worth bringing them up. Of course, you have to resolve some issues that began in the past. But do not dwell on.
6. Do not push
Consider that you indeed did break your ex’s heart. Don’t demand your ex to come back or do exactly as you say. Stay determined, but don’t be totalitarian. You should sound conciliatory and open to resolve issues.
Keep the emotions out of your system, and let your words state your thoughts in a very cordial way.
7. Show your ex how much you changed
It’s necessary that your ex sees you have changed through your words. This has nothing to do with deceiving your ex about being somebody you’re not in order to gain points.
It means to sincerely show that you have unbiasedly assessed on things you could’ve done to damage the relationship, and you’ve worked on them. This will signal your ex that you have taken the time to improve; and most importantly that you are willing to make changes for good.
By following these steps you set up the grounds for a productive conversation with your ex. It is essential to start the process of repairing your old relationship. It will be hard, but if you’re able to communicate well in a civilized manner with the sole purpose to fix what was broken, your chances to get your ex back will increase.
Things to do differently after your ex comes back
When you and your ex finally get together, there are vital things you need to embrace to have a new successful and healthy relationship. These things are not negotiable if you really want to do it right this time. Third chances are very low, REMEMBER THAT!
And also remember when you lost your partner and how bad it broke your heart. You don’t want to go through that again, right?
I guess no.
So, this time you need to make sure that you steer clear of the actions and choices that contributed to the separation of the two of you last time.
Keep in mind that it will take a while for you and your partner. Both of you have to learn slowly, and stay strong when things seem to get messy and out of control.
To help you with that, the following tips will set your foot in the right path.
Once you both are together again, your communication have to be fluid in order to solidify the relationship. It’s important that each one of you express your thoughts clearly.
This is not easy. It requires a lot of effort. You have to learn skills on how to communicate successfully. But eventually, if you and your partner are willing to work hard for your relationship, you will get there.
Get to know your ex again
Get together is a great opportunity to know your partner again because it will signal that you’re really interested. It also make your partner feel appreciated and loved.
Learn those things that you previously ignored about your partner. If there’s something like an activity that he or she practices, join in or at least partake. Just show that you are motivated to be reunited again.
Speak your mind
Express what is in your mind in a healthy way. Many heated arguments ignite when one individual expects the other to know something as if they were able to read minds.
So, if you have something to say, an issue that you deem important to address, you have to say it. The problem falls on how to say. Here’s when a lot of people freeze.
But you have to express it. Just make sure to do it in a positive way, taking it seriously to show your partner that there’s something that bothers you.
Go back to the courtship phase
Take this opportunity to adopt new things to do. If your old relationship became dull after some months, don’t let it happen again this time around. In this new relationship keep the motivation up, think that both of you are in an ongoing courtship.
We know it’s hard because when the relationship has been going on for some time, the energy drops and the couple no longer feel any motivation to do what they liked at the beginning.
So, it’s imperative not to spend all day sitting at home doing the same things over and over. Go out and enjoy life as a couple!
Spice up your sex life
Sex is an important part in a relationship. And we’re talking about meaningful sex that satisfies both. It won’t be good if it’s just one’s wishes that are fulfilled.
Talk about what each one’s likes and dislikes to make a gratifying experience. Create a romantic environment where the two of you can express your love. Don’t engage in meaningless sex. Be passionate and express how much you love each other.
These are some of the several tips that can help you have more chances of success in the new relationship. It won’t be easy. All relationships are complicated because we make mistakes and we are so proud to admit when we are wrong.
But it’s not an excuse for not fighting. If you think it’s worth being together, then fight for it. The important thing is that both have to take and give equally to make it work.
Why exes are willing to talk back after months?
Jealousy is one of the main reasons, but not the only one. It gets to a point where exes miss what they had with their partners. That company, which created dependence, in turn make people so attached to one another that they think that life will be too hard if there’s no-one by their side.
In addition, there are other reasons that we outline below:
- Shame: The judgement of society can be cruel to people that are alone.
- Financial necessity.
- Children: sometimes parents don’t want their little children to grow up without their presence of both parents under the same roof.
All these reason are based of the fact that the ex has hope to fix the relationship and come back.
Should I talk to my ex after a month?
After month the wounds might still be wide open. Your ex is probably no ready to hear from you. Of course, all depends on how traumatic the breakup was.
On the other hand, you don’t want to wait too much. Your ex could forget about you and start dating someone else. So, you need to evaluate very carefully how to proceed. If you really wants to fix things, let your ex know early on that you want to talk, but also want to give them time and space.
Should I call my ex after 2 months?
Yes, you should definitely call your ex or attempt to make contact. If your ex still loves you, your call will be expected. Many people think that they have to wait a long time before contacting their exes, but that’s a mistake.
If you wait too long, your ex will think that you’re no longer interested. He/she could move on and find another person. It doesn’t mean that you will immediately speak to your ex, the important thing is to let them know that you want to talk.
Should I still talk to my ex after breaking up?
That depends on different factors because there are different cases. If the breakup, for instance, was something both of you agreed on and ended on good terms, you can reach out. Who knows? You can eventually become friends.
If the breakup was painful, meaning that both of you got hurt, you have to stay away for some time. Give your ex space and time. If destiny crosses your path, just be courteous as much as you can, and then let life takes its course.
You can talk to that person again if you feel there’s no hard feelings sheltered, but move carefully if you desire to test the possibility of getting together again.
Why do exes initiate contact after months of silence?
There are diverse reasons. One of them is: loneliness. Some people want their exes to know that they still care about them. That way they can feel that there could be some chances in future for a possible come back.
Even if that possibility is tiny, they want to keep the hope alive. Being in a relationship makes people dependable to the their partners. The company is essential, but it can become so indispensable that when you lose it, you feel lost.
Why is silence powerful after breakup?
Because you put a wall between your ex and you. That wall is a symbol of independence that tells your ex that you’re strong about your convictions to stay away with no contact.
Of course, this could also hurt both ways. By staying silent some people expect that their partners do everything to mend what was broken, but they’re still suffering.
Others use silence as punishment. They know their partners wants to communicate and but they feel so hurt that they see silence as a way to get even.
As implied, if you have plans on winning back your ex, you must start working on your communications skills. It is essential to increase your chances if you want to reconnect with your ex.
That’s why we have detailed these simple but effective steps:
- Let your ex speak without interruption.
- Listen to every word your ex says.
- Be honest and open.
- Watch out your nonverbal communication.
- Focus your topics on the present.
- Don’t put pressure on your ex.
- Show the changes you’ve made.
They will help you verbalize your feelings and thoughts in an appropriate manner, which is highly important when you want to solve the issues that split your relationship.