Being picked up as the best man for a wedding is an honor. Those men considered for that role are among the closest to the groom. But what happens when such honor is given to a married man? Can tradition accept a married man as the best man?
If you were selected for that position, and happen to be married, don’t get nervous, I’ll get to it right away.
Can a best man be married?
Yes, it’s very common to see a married man be picked as the best man. Frequently, the best man and one of the bridesmaids are a real couple. That also happens among the groomsmen and the bridesmaids.
In fact, when the groom chooses more than one best man, they almost – if not all – tend to be the spouses of the bridesmaids.
Who gets to choose the best man?
The groom, always the groom! He chooses his best man from a close group formed of male family members and good friends. He normally chooses his best friend, someone loyal who’s always been around when the groom has needed him.
Of course, there could be someone who could lobby for the role. And other people coming to the groom – to put it nicely – to ‘help him’ make the decision. But ultimately, it’s up to him.
How to choose the best man
For each groom is different. But mostly the best man is chosen based on a close bond to the groom. The best man should be the person that the groom blindly trusts.
He is the man that the groom knows thoroughly and respects deeply. Among the potential candidates are:
- Brothers.
- Fathers.
- Childhood friends.
- Cousins.
- Old friends that have been in contact.
- Friends from work.
Why would the groom choose a married man as the best man?
Those men who are going to get married normally have friends or brothers who are also married. So, those people around probably have been witnesses of the timeline of the relationship. One close friend could even have contributed in some sort of way to nurture of relationship up to the wedding itself.
Of course, it all depends on the groom and how comfortable he feels towards someone special to be his best man. So, there are variables at play that determine who is selected.
Thus, no strict rules are applied. Normally, if you’re selected, it possibly has little to do with whether you’re married or not. Now let’s see how each person involved sees this panorama.
Groom perspective
The groom chooses someone he trusts. This is supposed to be maybe the most significant day of his life. So, he wants by his side someone he has shared precious moments.
The person selected is often seen with high regard by the groom. He could showcase a series of virtues and morals that have impressed the groom, making him feel proud to have such a good man standing next to him at the wedding.
Also, we cannot rule out the possibility of the best man being a close friend who he has shared a bond with. Most of these cases are seen in brothers. It’s pretty normal the groom selects his brother.
Married man perspective
When a married man is selected as the best man, he sees it as an honor. Being married is not the first thought that comes to mind when he’s selected. It’s about friendship, trust, and loyalty.
This is how a married man feels. Though he can think that his marital status was influenced somehow in the selection, it all really comes down to the special friendship connection he has with the groom.
Best man vs groomsmen
There’s a clear difference between the best man and the groomsmen. The best man is the head of the groomsmen’s squad and has an active and leading role. He is not only in the ceremony to support the groom. His job starts before the wedding.
Bachelor party
It’s a custom that the best man organizes the bachelor party. He takes this task very seriously. And he is going to everything in his power to throw a party experience.
Transportation
He also arranges the transportation of the groom and the groomsmen to the wedding. He could also manage the transportation of family members on the groom’s side.
Prewedding events
The best men are involved in certain activities, including the wedding rehearsal. He could also help in the organization of the wedding. Sometimes he works as a part of a team to make sure the ceremony has all the details in place.
These are some of the responsibilities of the best man. We’ll see more about it when we discuss his duties.
How many groomsmen should I have?
There is no rule of thumb, but at least you must have two groomsmen. There are weddings that show up to ten groomsmen. This is commonly seen in large weddings.
There are cases where the number of groomsmen surpasses the logic like a wedding in Panama City with 57 groomsmen. This, of course, is a unique event. And it’s not set to be followed.
What’s clear is that people delve into it when the time comes. Check out below how people comment on it in online communities:
Best man duties
Being chosen as the best man comes with responsibilities. Here are some of the common duties:
1. Formalwear process
As the best man you’re in charge of renting or buying the suits the groom and the groomsmen will wear. It is your responsibility to take the groom and the squad to see the tailor for the measurements.
Every detail about what suits you, the groom and groomsmen, has to be under your total control.
2. Transportation
As stated, you need to arrange the transportation to the wedding. If the main ceremony is going to be held at a church, you also must make the necessary arrangements.
3. Lead the groomsmen’s pack
You’re not only there to be standing next to the groom. You’re the leader of groomsmen. They need to guide them on how they should behave before and during the ceremony.
They will probably have questions and doubts. You should be very alert to jump in at any time and lead them.
4. Bachelor party organizer
An important event that should not be overlooked. You have to give the groom the best experience. Your duty is to find a suitable place (bar, house, etc.) and the transportation.
And don’t worry, you don’t have to pay for everything. The bill can be split among the attendees.
You also might face rejections from married men going to bachelor parties due to the resilient idea that other women will be there too. If that’s the case, you need to be upfront with the attendees and tell them what type of bachelor party you’re organizing.
5. Active role in pre-wedding events
There are other things to do apart from taking care of details on the groom’s side. You have to give a helping hand at the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
6. Unofficial reception host
You must be active at the reception. If this is a large wedding, they will need your help by guiding people to find their seats and making sure everyone is having a great time.
7. Manage some details after the wedding party
You might help to keep the gifts in cash until the newlyweds return from the honeymoon. You also have to make sure that the staff (waiters, cooks, security personnel, and so on) working at the wedding party receive their pay and tips.
8. Speech
The best man speech is a tradition. You cannot come to the reception without anything prepared. Improvisation may not go well. Something unhinged can be slipped out of your mouth, and boom! you screw it up.
So, to save yourself from your own humiliation, below are some great tips on how to give a good best-man speech:
9. Support the groom
Of course, he picks you because he trusts you. You’re loyal and are his best friend. He takes you into high consideration, and if anything happens, he will rely on you.
FAQs
What is a best man called if he is married
It is called the man of honor. However, nowadays he is just referred to as the best man.
Can you be a groomsman If you’re married?
There used to be a time when the groomsmen and bridesmaids had to be married, but not anymore. You can choose anyone regardless of his marital status.
Is the groom’s father usually the best man?
Not usually, but it’s not a surprise that the groom chooses his own father. The father and son relationship can be so powerful and loving that having the father as the best man is a real honor for the father and a blessing for the son.
Can you have 2 best men?
Sure, you can choose 2 or even 3. There are cases where the groom wants to make the bond tighter he chooses more than one friend because he wants them to feel part of the union.
What’s the average amount of groomsmen?
The average is 3-5 groomsmen. At least you should have 2. However, it’s your wedding! So if you like to increase the number, do as you please.
Conclusion
As you can see, no matter if someone is single or married, he can perfectly fit the shoes of the best man. The groom doesn’t take into account the marital status.
What is important to him is to choose someone he trusts and values. So, if you receive the honor, remember the responsibilities that come with it:
- Formalwear process.
- Transportation.
- Lead the groomsmen pack.
- Be the bachelor party organizer.
- Be active in pre-wedding events.
- Unofficial reception host.
- Manage some details after the wedding party.
- Speech.
- Support the groom.
One more important thing, if you’re married, you can take the opportunity to advise the groom. You have experience. He will take it gladly and thank you for it.